BURNT OUT AND BLESSED
With all the chaos, developments and new followers, it seems like a good time for an update!
As many of you know, I am mother to a highly emotional, passionate, feisty and incredibly loving four year old (almost five), Scarlett! Also, I have an extra cool, extra happy, extra life-loving and extra chromosome carrying son, Welles. And then there is my attached at the hip (or chest), goo-goo eyes for mommy, tough from being a rag doll to his siblings and generally super content lover-boy, Ames.
Those three plus my husband make my world go round. We are very blessed and very happy. Life is good. Super exhausting, crazy, chaotic and good.
One of our most current blessings is a new home build. Some of you who have built a home might agree that it's a blessing and a tiny bit of a curse! It can be a stressful process but things are going great and we are happy with how it's coming along. In the end it will absolutely be worth the bits of stress. ;) The biggest part of the "curse" is our current living situation. Our house sold much faster than we anticipated and we're on our fourth month in a little apartment. A little apartment with five people and a lot of oversized furniture and junk. I shouldn't complain because I know a lot of people live in smaller spaces and make it work. Plus we will have a beautiful home at the end of this. But this phase of life and having constant kids at my feet plus limited space and bulky things, add in there no yard and winter coming on (mega indoor time).... It's turning me into a bit of a basket case. Part of me feels like we live in a storage unit with a tiny kitchen and no pantry! A very nice storage unit, but still a storage unit ;) . There are piles everywhere and it's impossible to keep clean. My kids have made a hobby out of trashing the place in two seconds since nothing can be baby proofed! But I will say, it's pushed us to get out and adventure a lot more. Every day I find excuses to leave our little space and do something. We've made some good memories in our time here.
So with our living situation, my kids at exhausting ages, and a lot happening since our video went viral, my tank is running on fumes. All for great reasons and wonderful blessings. But boy am I burnt out right now and sometimes it just feels good to vent... I feel guilty for feeling like I'm about to snap some days, especially when I vocalize it. But I know that I'm not the only woman who feels this way. Life is good. It's GREAT actually, and I'm complaining about being on the verge of a mommy melt down?? Yes. I'm letting it all out for anyone to hear... I am declaring it okay to whine a little because even blessings can take a toll! I am publicly letting you and anyone else who reads my ramblings know that I sometimes have to head straight out to Target (ALONE) when Scott gets home just to walk the isles and hear myself think. I want to moan and fuss because I've still got a good 10-15 lbs. of "baby weight" since having Ames (who is almost one). I'm admitting that I wait until the dishes stink to do them. And yes, I literally throw Dum Dum suckers at my kids when I need silence. I admit that some days when the clock hits three I've already hit my limit and I throw my kids in the car, turn on a movie, drive through Chick-fil-a and then just drive aimlessly for a couple more hours until I muster up the energy to unbuckle and unleash them again. I confess that I have over 200 texts and even more emails because when I'm overwhelmed, and I just can't always respond. And I also admit that Scott deserves a much sweeter me than I've been...
Sometimes we just max out. Even when life is good we hit that point where we need to throw up the white flag and surrender. Or if you're like me you might hide in your closet and listen to Brandi Carlisle, eat dark chocolate, cry a little for feeling like a failure then go out and try again.
At the end of these longer days, I look down at my three kids (who are usually covered in some sort of mess) and remember that I'm actually not failing. Then Scott reminds me to breathe, slow down, stop taking on so much, and that he loves me. At that point I usually walk up to our miniature bath tub and sit in warmish water, while cursing myself for bathing the kids first who took the good water and try to laugh it all off.
Ah, but life is grand. I'm crazy blessed. Today I decided not to even try to clean the house and I took turns giving each kid lots of one-on-one time. In some ways it drained me. But in more ways it re-charged me.
Here's to a good week ahead and maybe even putting makeup on a couple of days!