Here's the play-by-play.... Wake up with good intentions, look around at my daily "to-do's," cry tears of exhaustion and self-pity, snuggle my babies with a grateful heart, unbelievable feelings of irritability as I remember my "to-do's," little outburst of frustration, deep feelings of guilt from my outburst, hide from my kids and cry again. That's been the pattern of my emotions these last couple of weeks. There's been a shoulder-shaking cry about every other day. It's the kind of cry that turns your face blotchy and swollen. And all of these cry sessions usually revolve around something as serious as spilt milk... Welcome to my world of hormones and Scott's world of walking on egg shells. Sounds fun, right?
My last two pregnancies were probably equally as hormonal but I don't remember ever feeling this crazy. Either they really weren't as bad or the man upstairs wipes away those memories so you'll continue having babies. I don't know why, but I bounce back and forth from feeling bad for my family, and feeling like they should be doing more to help me keep sane! Never have I been able to cry at the drop of a pin (or drop of a leaky diaper) like I have these last few weeks. And never have I felt so much guilt from the abnormal amount of losing my cool, yelling or crying in front of my kids. My poor babies. My poor, sometimes very disobedient, poop smearing, occasional fib telling, all-of-the-sudden accidental wetting, food throwing, toilet exploring, undo-all-my-cleaning, sweet little babies. And poor Scott. Like a champ, he comes home and listens to my rants about how exhausted my mind and body are.
After a long week last week, I decided that I had to clear my head and zen-out for myself and my family. Scott and I drove the kids up the canyon to look at the leaves which are just starting to change color. Getting out and into nature with my family is seriously the best medicine for my soul. We held hands while breathing in the mountain air, looked at the beautiful colors and scenery surrounding us and just took it all in. So peaceful. So relaxing. Exactly what the doctor ordered.
This week was a fresh start which quickly turned into the same exact week as last week. Heaven help us all. And heaven help these hormones to get themselves under control.
On a positive note, my kids are the most forgiving little humans. They don't even remember that I've just lost my cool as long as we have a good snuggle right after. Bless their perfect little hearts.